An uphill climb

Not only is the work hard, but the persuasion is hard. I often feel I have burned a lot of my bridges by taking on new projects and not following through on any one. So every time I have a new idea (like The Madonna Effect), people mostly say, "Yeah, right. We're as likely to see this happen as we were to see you become a musician or a dress designer." So now I have something to prove to myself: that I am ready for the work.

My exponentially expanding world

I've been having a blast ever since I changed my career path from magazine writer to documentary filmmaker on the subject of music, specifically the potential for interactions between fans and band to be a positive force in both of their lives (as opposed to just a source of anxiety about stalkers and nutters).

Meanwhile, I have been churning over how I am going to raise money to make a film. My first idea was to be the cereal lady (the Cereal Cinematographer, bringing cereal and milk and spoons to festivals and beaches and parks all summer). But buying cereal in single-serve packages turns out to be spendy, so I'd have to charge high prices ("$4 for a bowl of cereal? I don't think so!"). And then I'd have to start including rice and soy milks and getting licensed to serve food. So I had another idea: I saw a book cover in my mind’s eye: The Madonna Legacy. So that’s what I’ve started. The idea is that people have the opportunity to reinvent themselves for the first time ever in a way they never did. It is in part a gift of feminism and it is in part a gift of popular musicians, like Madonna. It is a gift that was intended for women and spilled into the gay community and now represents opportunity for everyone. I’ll write and talk about self-expression and feminism, music, reinvention, why boho chic and the Beauty School of Kabul are all good things, and I’ll raise money for my film.

Also, I believe music is one of the best ways to get people together for good and it's such a visual as well as aural experience. We've gotten so accustomed to this one-way viewing of pop stars and the truly famous. We listen to their CDs over and over or watch their videos, and a rare few of us go listen to them live if they come to the area for a performance. But the interactions between fans and musicians are truly such a potential source of big joy for people that I want to share some of that energy and remind people that life is more than about choreographed MTV videos played over and over. That people get energy from these encounters and things happen as a result of them. Hey, it's working for me!

And, let's face it, I want to show people why Gomez are so much more fun than all those dreary-assed Wilco and Death Cab for Cutie guys. Others I'd love to film: Michael Franti (hip hop ain't all about gangstas, homey), the madcap Moxy Fruvous, Frank Orrall, Ben Harper -- interesting people. Wish I'd seen Leonard Bernstein when he was alive. I definitely had a crush on him. And Bill Graham, even if I didn't necessarily like him so much.

Plus, my own journey is inspiring the hell out of me. Who knows what I can do? I haven’t even gotten started yet! This is absolutely thrilling to be living here and now, and I need to find a way to share the wealth, spread it far and wide, like my favorite artists do. It makes me want to reach. The world is exploding exponentially and I am in it!

Telling tales

In delving into disclosure and storytelling territory, I find that reaching out to others is a good thing, and almost never yields what I would expect. But I know that the more I do and the more I put my own ideas out there, the better. I have to believe that, anyway, or what would be the point? I need to do something, and it can be something that has meaning to me and I hope touches others. And the theme keeps circling back to music: the inspiration that provides the texture and drama for the things I want to do, that makes it okay to continue yearning for more experiences and reading between the lines for more meanings.

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Here are today's ideas, brewed up on Wonderland Lake trail this morning (until I saw a mountain lion print and turned myself right around and went back down the trail -- my daughter is right to be afraid of those big cats):

1. I got to wondering, what does the waste stream at a place like Outlast or any of the cutting edge fabric manufacturers look like? The ones who make the amazing fabric the skiers wear to protect themselves from impact at high speeds and breathe just the right amount for any conditions. Are there pieces big enough to use for making clothing for police and emts in North Dakota? Because it's nice that rich people can afford this stuff, and super-athletes, but what about the rest of us? Is there a way to divert some of the waste stream where it could really do some good? Making protective clothing for someone I haven't thought of yet.

2. I keep thinking about that film where someone has impressions of what the other person is thinking (or has experienced) and how to represent that. c/b Mickey's series of stills. Time to go back and watch Wings of Desire, find how the person's consciousness rises to the top of the angel's awareness through sound and image.

ttfn.